"Once again the days of the feast of Ashley are again upon us! I must say that this years feasts came up with rather frightening speed, it seems only weeks ago since we ate last year’s feasts! Ah, but all must bow to time’s relentless march, and so it is today that again we celebrate Ashley’s birthday.
As an invented “ancient tradition”, I have devised a week of feasts to mark this momentous time. In all seriousness, the feasts were thought up and named at a time when we were very poor, so I basically gave over-dramatic and impressive names to what ever we were eating that night and then, on Ashley’s actual birthday, let her pick out a restaurant she wanted to eat at, or meal she wanted prepared for her.
In subsequent years I came up with a back story for this whole craziness. This text was written in a “Book of Mormon” pseudo-religious style, describing how the ancient people of Martineau came to celebrate this great week of feasts to the “Goddess of the ash tree meadow”.
Yes, I went overboard, yes it is ludicrous, but when you are in love, you go there.
I wanted (and still want) my wife to know that no matter how bad things get, we can afford to have fun. I want all my friends to know that I consider ANYTHING as a good reason to celebrate; life is too short to be serious about everything.
The original feast week had two feasts devoted to the eating of meat, namely “The Feast of The Fowl of The Air” and “The Feast of The Fowl of The Land”. Now remember that these “ancient traditions” were invented a few years back, when we still ate meat. Well, as of last year’s feast we’d both given up the eating of meat, thus rendering us unable to keep the feasts.
Well, not wanting to break tradition and at the same time wanting to conform to modern sensibilities, I did what any made-up religious leader would do in a situation like that: I invented a new revelation!
I don’t know if there still exists a copy of the original Feast week text, but I do have a copy of the “new revelation”.
Another tradition I made up to commemorate this festival is to read from the text on the first day of the feasts and then announce the day’s feast on each of the following days until the feast of Ashley (on the 16th).
So here follows the text of the most recent “revelation” regarding the Feast Week of Ashley."
In subsequent years I came up with a back story for this whole craziness. This text was written in a “Book of Mormon” pseudo-religious style, describing how the ancient people of Martineau came to celebrate this great week of feasts to the “Goddess of the ash tree meadow”.
Yes, I went overboard, yes it is ludicrous, but when you are in love, you go there.
I wanted (and still want) my wife to know that no matter how bad things get, we can afford to have fun. I want all my friends to know that I consider ANYTHING as a good reason to celebrate; life is too short to be serious about everything.
The original feast week had two feasts devoted to the eating of meat, namely “The Feast of The Fowl of The Air” and “The Feast of The Fowl of The Land”. Now remember that these “ancient traditions” were invented a few years back, when we still ate meat. Well, as of last year’s feast we’d both given up the eating of meat, thus rendering us unable to keep the feasts.
Well, not wanting to break tradition and at the same time wanting to conform to modern sensibilities, I did what any made-up religious leader would do in a situation like that: I invented a new revelation!
I don’t know if there still exists a copy of the original Feast week text, but I do have a copy of the “new revelation”.
Another tradition I made up to commemorate this festival is to read from the text on the first day of the feasts and then announce the day’s feast on each of the following days until the feast of Ashley (on the 16th).
So here follows the text of the most recent “revelation” regarding the Feast Week of Ashley."
- Brian Lawrence Martineau
Martineau Muppet Movie: The Feast Week of Ashley from Ashley Martineau on Vimeo.
Martineau Muppet Movie: The Feast Week of Ashley from Ashley Martineau on Vimeo.
Funniest if you know them... and you can identify the symbolism of "the world turned upside down" and their "journey to the western shore". *wink*
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